A trauma bond is faced with abuse and neglect; our brains are wired to focus on getting through rough times. When someone is abused they latch on to the feeling of relief and safety even if the person that is bringing that relief is the abuser. Our brains focus on the positive rather than the negative responses from those that abuse us. The body’s natural response to trauma is fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, and turns off long-term thinking when faced with a crisis. Oftentimes the person being abused believes they need the abuser to survive and mistakes that for a loving feeling and sense of security. Trauma bonding is an attachment that one has with their abuser created after repeated abuse and then a strong feeling of being saved. It is considered intermittent reinforcement is how narcissists catch their prey. Gaslighting, emotional abuse, and manipulation are tied into the trauma bond, making the person being abused believe they are crazy and question reality.

Trauma bonds are attachments between two people that share a traumatic event or similar traumatic childhood experiences. Typically, the two bonds over the shared event leading to relational betrayal and heartbreak. It is a tug of war led by narcissistic abuse. Often if someone struggles with the trauma they have difficulties with self-regulation, if they haven’t been given the proper tools, which causes unhealthy coping mechanisms in many people. Typically, in trauma bonds, each person in the relationship may trigger each other causing irrational reactions, anger outbursts, jealousy, and possibly violent outbursts, which contribute to cycles of pain. Healthy relationships do not operate this way and can cause extreme stressful for the victim within the relationship.